I hate this blog. I rarely update it, because if I don't do it really often, I'll have a monumental post that
I usually only update it when I feel I have something to say. And, well, I do.
I fucking hate what I've been this last month or so. Hate. I can't fucking believe that no one has noticed. I'm not myself. I've been... Wrong. I've made selfish decisions, and just all around been a dick. I feel as though I've been lying to everyone about everything, because, well, I have been. I'm not alright. I don't feel fine, I don't even feel okay. A lot of things are going the opposite direction than I want them to, and I can't do anything about that.
I'll start with my home life. It has gotten exponentially better as of late. Mom broke up with Shauna, so she will be out of the picture soon. I'm really happy about that. I hate that bitch with a passion. Her being gone will make life a lot better. It's going to be a rough ride until then, though.
My social life is okay. I don't get out as much as I want to. I miss my friends on the weekends. I hate breaks.
And of course, the longest part is about my love life or the lack thereof. And it's my own fault.
I had a chance to get Virginia back. I did. I could have had my beautiful back. I could have felt right again, with her in my life. I love her. I never stopped. I can't go through my day without thinking of her, or thinking I see her and getting sorely disappointed when it's not her. I really wanted her back, and we were talking, and it seemed possible. She even asked me if I would take her back. After all I have just said, what do you think I said?
No.
I told her I had another girl I was interested in.
I can't have made a worse decision. The girl that I was(still am, really) interested in has proven herself to be constant confusion and can't seem to make up her mind. She's a gorgeous girl, inside and out, but she has been more trouble than she is worth.
Virginia. I could have had her. I could have been with her again. Held her close. Been complete for the first time since... Well, since she left. I hate being single with a passion. I have these pent up feelings that I have no other escape for. I pour myself into a relationship, head and heart, so that eventually those feelings fade away. It's not a bad thing, it's my way of expressing what I want.
And now it's too late. Virginia has a boyfriend. I can't have her. It's not going to happen. She's probably happy with him, and I'm happy for her. She's a lot stronger than me. I can't get over her, and I really have tried.
I want a pretty girl, and I feel selfish for it. I feel that I don't deserve anything.
And mom says it's time to call it a night.
I usually only update it when I feel I have something to say. And, well, I do.
I fucking hate what I've been this last month or so. Hate. I can't fucking believe that no one has noticed. I'm not myself. I've been... Wrong. I've made selfish decisions, and just all around been a dick. I feel as though I've been lying to everyone about everything, because, well, I have been. I'm not alright. I don't feel fine, I don't even feel okay. A lot of things are going the opposite direction than I want them to, and I can't do anything about that.
I'll start with my home life. It has gotten exponentially better as of late. Mom broke up with Shauna, so she will be out of the picture soon. I'm really happy about that. I hate that bitch with a passion. Her being gone will make life a lot better. It's going to be a rough ride until then, though.
My social life is okay. I don't get out as much as I want to. I miss my friends on the weekends. I hate breaks.
And of course, the longest part is about my love life or the lack thereof. And it's my own fault.
I had a chance to get Virginia back. I did. I could have had my beautiful back. I could have felt right again, with her in my life. I love her. I never stopped. I can't go through my day without thinking of her, or thinking I see her and getting sorely disappointed when it's not her. I really wanted her back, and we were talking, and it seemed possible. She even asked me if I would take her back. After all I have just said, what do you think I said?
No.
I told her I had another girl I was interested in.
I can't have made a worse decision. The girl that I was(still am, really) interested in has proven herself to be constant confusion and can't seem to make up her mind. She's a gorgeous girl, inside and out, but she has been more trouble than she is worth.
Virginia. I could have had her. I could have been with her again. Held her close. Been complete for the first time since... Well, since she left. I hate being single with a passion. I have these pent up feelings that I have no other escape for. I pour myself into a relationship, head and heart, so that eventually those feelings fade away. It's not a bad thing, it's my way of expressing what I want.
And now it's too late. Virginia has a boyfriend. I can't have her. It's not going to happen. She's probably happy with him, and I'm happy for her. She's a lot stronger than me. I can't get over her, and I really have tried.
I want a pretty girl, and I feel selfish for it. I feel that I don't deserve anything.
And mom says it's time to call it a night.
