Interesting, now am I? My posts are very drab and boring. I guess I tend to not throw in any of my "juicy" details. It's just all drama crap that licks ass. I hate it. I do have fun a lot, yes, but rarely is it "stellar" or "really awesome". It's generally me just hanging out with one or two friends. I did spend around four days with a fat kid named Toby, but that was just us hanging out playing Halo and Civ Rev. More often I'm arguing with my girlfriend late into the night because my parents can't know we're together, or trying to make plans and failing miserably.
My relationship is strained. Very strained. I haven't spent any real time with her alone in... over a month. And it doesn't look like I'll be able to any time soon. My parents would murder me if they knew about her, so it's extremely hard to be with her. It doesn't help that I keep being reminded of other people's great relationships, either. That, and I have girls I haven't talked to in a long time coming out of thin air and proclaiming their love to me. Those girls just add to the hatred factor, really. They don't know me, never have and never will.
I love Virginia. I really do. Every time we're together, I never want our time to end. But it always does. And always will. And now it seems that every other time we talk on the phone she has "doubts". I've never had a girl tell me she doubts the relationship, so naturally I think that she's telling me she wants out, but she denies that. She says she wants to be with me and stuff, but that it's really hard to be with me because of our distance and situation. And now that she's not in school it will be twelve times harder.
So I turn to my outward experiences to get my mind off these things. I try to surround myself in people who are genuinely my friends, and who can submerse me in a world all our own. It's a temporary fix, generally. And it has backfired more than once. Example? GASP.
I am a part of a camp at UO called SAIL(Summer Academy to Inspire Learning). It's awesome. They pay me fifty dollars to go to the college and make fun of the presenters, and the other kids there are really great. Last year I went I was having relationship issues with Steph, and I developed a crush. Of course, right? Just like me. And this year... It didn't just go away. I wish it had. And she's really happy with her boyfriend. I have literally zero chance with this girl, but she's still on my mind. And is fucking sucks. It's the opposite of deus ex machina in that she didn't fix anything, but has clouded my judgement. She doesn't know anything, either, and I'm not giving out her name. I'm still trying to sort through my conscience, so don't blame me if in three days I change my whole perspective.
My relationship is strained. Very strained. I haven't spent any real time with her alone in... over a month. And it doesn't look like I'll be able to any time soon. My parents would murder me if they knew about her, so it's extremely hard to be with her. It doesn't help that I keep being reminded of other people's great relationships, either. That, and I have girls I haven't talked to in a long time coming out of thin air and proclaiming their love to me. Those girls just add to the hatred factor, really. They don't know me, never have and never will.
I love Virginia. I really do. Every time we're together, I never want our time to end. But it always does. And always will. And now it seems that every other time we talk on the phone she has "doubts". I've never had a girl tell me she doubts the relationship, so naturally I think that she's telling me she wants out, but she denies that. She says she wants to be with me and stuff, but that it's really hard to be with me because of our distance and situation. And now that she's not in school it will be twelve times harder.
So I turn to my outward experiences to get my mind off these things. I try to surround myself in people who are genuinely my friends, and who can submerse me in a world all our own. It's a temporary fix, generally. And it has backfired more than once. Example? GASP.
I am a part of a camp at UO called SAIL(Summer Academy to Inspire Learning). It's awesome. They pay me fifty dollars to go to the college and make fun of the presenters, and the other kids there are really great. Last year I went I was having relationship issues with Steph, and I developed a crush. Of course, right? Just like me. And this year... It didn't just go away. I wish it had. And she's really happy with her boyfriend. I have literally zero chance with this girl, but she's still on my mind. And is fucking sucks. It's the opposite of deus ex machina in that she didn't fix anything, but has clouded my judgement. She doesn't know anything, either, and I'm not giving out her name. I'm still trying to sort through my conscience, so don't blame me if in three days I change my whole perspective.
And that's just the romantic side of me.
Naturally, I have music that I must recommend, because what blog is complete without music?
RED - Death of Me
Breaking Benjamin - Polyamorous(Very apparent in my life, eh?)
Skillet - Thist is Taking Over & Open Wounds
We Butter The Bread With Butter - Breekachu
The Fall of Troy - FCPREMIX
In Flames - Come Clarity
As I Lay Dying - The Darkest Nights
Disturbed - The Night
The Gay Blades - O Shot
Danny Elfman - The Little Things
That's it from me today. I'll try to update more consistantly.
Although, Joe is the only one who might read this. Hehe.
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